gesa’s avatargesa’s Twitter Archive—№ 50,593

                                                                                                    1. Now that Wonder Woman 1984 is finally out, I’ve begun my watch through of the Worlds of DC cinematic universe. Next was Wonder Woman, and tonight is Man of Steel. (I’ll thread it all, feel free to mute)
                                                                                                  1. …in reply to @gesa
                                                                                                    Regardless of how good or bad this movie is gonna be, I am thrilled by the cast. And not the big names, but the B-, C-, and D-list actors. I was gonna list them all, but there’s just too many. I love this movie’s cast ♥️
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                                                                                                  Clark Kent: “you’re not even my real parents!” Me: “yeah they just raised you from infancy, you dick.”
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                                                                                                I just started screaming at the TV at the top of my lungs due to the line “it’s coming through on the RSS feeds” while pointing at the static on a display that is the same static as every other display on the entire planet.
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                                                                                              Also screamed “I’M SO ANGRY” Because I’m the angriest I’ve been since Google killed reader.
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                                                                                            Okay I’ll give this movie one little credit: the various effects from physics change from earth’s mass increasing was pretty cool. Particularly the fighter jets falling out of the sky.
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                                                                                          I was led to believe Henry Cavill was super sexy and I am not impressed. He was, however, better looking with a beard.
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                                                                                        My husbands have been calling the magic “S” key “Superman’s Vape” for the entire movie
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                                                                                      The music in this movie sometimes sounds like it was composed by Bear McCreary but it was actually composed by Hans Zimmer.
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                                                                                    Pretty sure that was *Chicago’s* Union Station
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                                                                                  Okay Man of Steel wasn’t, like, a *good* movie. But I am incredibly entertained! I would not have survived this movie without my husbands, it’s like MST3K up in this joint.
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                                                                                The fireworks outside (and my trauma response to them) has led us straight into Batman vs Superman. Right off the bat I have some thoughts.
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                                                                              My other husband told me that Ben Affleck was Batman and I was like “no, the movies in the mid-teens” and he was like “I know.”
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                                                                            Next thought, all these bystanders to the Kryptonians’ battle are gonna get the same cancer 9/11 first responders got running into the dust pile, especially Bruce Wayne who’s doing it on purpose. (Jfc we gotta do something about the carcinogens in these buildings)
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                                                                          Batman vs Superman is SO LONG and somehow they still never manage to give Luthor a fucking motivation. None of this movie makes any sense.
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                                                                        Like I still am entirely unclear why Batman has it out for Superman the way he does. USE YOUR WORDS, BRUCE. But also why tf did Superman just like force-push Batman across the parking lot. TALK IT OUT, CHILDREN
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                                                                      Also quick side note: this Batman costume makes Ben Affleck look weirdly doughy, which, he’s not.
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                                                                    This is the first Batman movie in this universe and they’ve somehow managed to give him basically no character development. Why are you such a dick, Mr. Wayne‽ HOW IS THIS MOVIE SO LONG AND NO ONE HAS HAD ANY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
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                                                                  Three hours, two minutes total. I still have another HOUR of Batman vs. Superman
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                                                                “My parents taught me a different lesson—dying in a gutter.” BATMAN YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD AN UNHAPPY CHILDHOOD
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                                                              Hang on a second. So let me get this straight. All Superman had to do was say his mother’s name, which just happens to be the same as Mrs. Wayne’s name, and suddenly the attempted murder is over and now they’re besties?
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                                                            knifed in the left brachial plexus and still somehow punching people with that arm. okay Batman.
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                                                          me: “weird abomination banned on Krypton? okay, show me what you got” husbands: “SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT”
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                                                        How mad is Lex that his little Zod-golem is ruining his own building Now the Americans are nuking them from orbit, but backwards. Nuking them _in_ orbit. Bold move, isn’t Superman faster than a speeding bullet? Uhh. and then there’s… what if it detonates inside the atmosphere.
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                                                      Batman just said he’s gonna have the Doomsday monster follow him back to Gotham. A population center. Aka the entire reason he was pissed at Superman in the first place?
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                                                    Wonder Woman arrives! To save the day! Superman: “is she with you?” Batman: “i thought she was with you” Wonder Woman, probably: “this movie is *awful*. I’m commandeering this franchise.”
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                                                  Do you think Ben Affleck says “I am Batman” in his head all the time the way Laura Dern said “pew pew pew” every time she shot a blaster?
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                                                everything is abandoned all of a sudden, are they having a pandemic too?
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                                              “nobody’s said a word for like 15 minutes!” “honestly… it’s for the best.”
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                                            It’s DC movie night tonight, so hold on to your butts for Suicide Squad tweets
                                        1. …in reply to @gesa
                                          Oh shit, Superman’s actually dead (I mean, for now).
                                      1. …in reply to @gesa
                                        I have seen this movie before. Delighted to finally understand the Superman’s dead part. Enter Harley Quinn, my problematic fave and Halloween cosplay this year!
                                    1. …in reply to @gesa
                                      “Stupid bat— YOU’RE RUINING DATE NIGHT!” 😂😍 (But also ugh Jared Leto ruins everything)
                                  1. …in reply to @gesa
                                    Did Batffleck just try to make out with an unconscious Harley? Eew ask for consent, dude
                                1. …in reply to @gesa
                                  The first 20 minutes of Suicide Squad are just pure exposition. It’s like… they probably should have had *several* movies before this one.
                              1. …in reply to @gesa
                                Wait where did that body the enchantress’s brother is inhabiting come from?
                            1. …in reply to @gesa
                              Also have we even been told what Task Force X was formed to do? Or was it “just in case”?
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                            Wait the not-human-torch was in a tube of water? I just assumed that was a hyperbaric chamber. Does he not need to breathe?
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                          Wait if the enchantress just snuck off and did ~something~ immediately before this mysterious attack started, why on EARTH would they just… set her loose on the world?
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                        Wait where the fuck did Slipknot come from? Also how did the Boomerang end up in this American crew?
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                      SUICIDE SQUAD! THEY SAID THE NAME!
                  1. …in reply to @gesa
                    Honestly it’s a shame this movie isn’t written better bc Will Smith & Margot Robie could probably do something super fun together
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                  Holy shit this movie is about aliens‽
              1. …in reply to @gesa
                Oh wait they’re zombies. Seriously though Margot Robie is so damn charming, she really does make this movie bearable
            1. …in reply to @gesa
              Joker: “I am not someone who is loved. I am an idea… a state of mind “ Me: “good! Makes you easier to replace in future movies!”
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            Lol Deadshot’s mask is Velcro
        1. …in reply to @gesa
          This is another movie of unclear motivations and multiple antagonists. And not like … what a twist! Just “oh yeah right also there’s this other problem for some reason”
      1. …in reply to @gesa
        I guess the knife-boomerang is a drone too. Sponsored by Samsung, evidently.
    1. …in reply to @gesa
      wait after all that they’re back in prison‽ how silly. Oh except Harley, apparently. Bai-d-bai!
  1. …in reply to @gesa
    Honestly I think I judged this movie as harshly as I did because of BvS. Three hours of not understanding why anyone was doing anything. In fairness, Suicide Squad was much lighter,—people’s motivations matter less.
    1. …in reply to @gesa
      Wait what about Bat Affleck‽‽‽ DC you are killllllling me @getFANDOM/1346205391072288770